PERJANJIAN PRA NIKAH DALAM BUDAYA KETIMURAN

Menikah merupakan salah satu bentuk perikatan. Secara umum hubungan antara pihak-pihak yang melakukan perikatan ini termasuk hubungan keperdataan. Oleh sebab itu, apabila terdapat ingkar atas isi kesepakatan di dalam akta nikah, maka dapat batal demi hukum atau dibatalkan. Namun ternyata dalam perkembangan, akta nikah tidak cukup mengakomodasi komitmen masing-masing pihak. Perselingkuhan tetap banyak terjadi, perkawinan kedua-dan selanjutnya tanpa pengetahuan isteri atau memaksakan keinginan si isteri, tindak kekerasan dalam rumah tangga dan masih banyak kejadian yang menyimpang dalam perikatan pernikahan. Hal-hal mana yang menunjukkan bahwa akta pernikahan tidak bisa lagi menjadi satu-satunya dasar hukum yang mengikat dan menjamin pihak-pihak yang mengikatkan diri ini memenuhi tanggung jawabnya masing-masing. Meskipun negara juga memfasilitasi aturan hukum untuk mengatur hubungan suami isteri (lihat UU No. 1 tahun 1974).

Pernikahan mengandung 2 unsur sekaligus: keperdataan dan publik. Secara perdata, hak dan kewajiban untuk saling memenuhi kebutuhan ekonomi (nafkah) dan melakukan perbuatan hukum. Secara publik, menyangkut mekanisme perbuatan hukum ke dua belah pihak dan yang sedang ramai dibicarakan saat ini adalah tindak kekerasan fisik dalam rumah tangga. Selebihnya dasar hukum untuk lembaga pernikahan lebih pada pengesahan dari negara atas pasangan. Setidaknya inilah yang secara umum berlaku di Indonesia dan masyarakat sudah cukup merasa puas dengan fasilitas hukum ini. Apabila terjadi ingkar dalam rumah tangga, pengadilan memfasilitasi untuk proses perceraian. Apabila terjadi tindak kekerasan dalam rumah tangga atau pelanggaran mekanisme proses pernikahan, maka pengadilan memfasilitasi sanksi pidana. Belum lagi hukum adat dan agama yang ikut serta memagari lembaga pernikahan tersebut. Sehingga tidak perlu lagi untuk melindungi institusi pernikahan tersebut dengan perjanjian pra nikah.

Perjanjian pra nikah menjadi kurang populer dan diminati di dalam budaya ketimuran, setidaknya di Indonesia. Ini disebabkan kebanyakan yang diketahui oleh masyarakat isi perjanjian pra nikah lebih pada pengaturan materi atau harta gono gini, bukan lagi pada substansi hak dan kewajiban suami isteri. Manfaatnya perjanjian pra nikah seringkali menyelamatkan masing-masih pihak yang mengikatkan diri ketika pernikahan tidak berhasil, dengan pengertian aset masing-masing, sehingga menghindari sengketa aset kekayaan pada saat proses perceraian. Padahal, bukan itu saja yang bisa menjadi substansi perikatan dalam perjanjian pra nikah. Namun sebelumnya, lebih jauh lagi, sebenarnya tidak hanya itu saja manfaat dari perjanjian pra nikah. Perjanjian pra nikah dapat berfungsi juga sebagai rencana awal atau pondasi dari tindakan-tindakan dalam rumah tangga. Secara psikologis, perjanjian ini menjadi penindai dalam setiap keputusan yang diambil ke depan. Secara hukum, ini menjadi suatu dasar bagi pihak masing-masing, untuk menjadi pagar dalam penyelesaian sengketa. Manfaatnya, proses perceraian menjadi efisien, tidak berlarut-larut dan mejamin kepastian hukum.

Negara mengakui adanya perjanjian pra nikah dan tidak membatasi substansi dari perjanjian pra nikah tersebut. Seperti dalam UU No. 1 tahun 1974 pasal 29 bahwa "Pada waktu atau sebelum perkawinan dilangsungkan, kedua belah pihak atas perjanjian bersama dapat mengadakan perjanjian tertulis yang disahkan oleh Pegawai pencatat perkawinan, setelah mana isinya berlaku juga terhadap pihak ke tiga sepanjang pihak ke tiga tersangkut" dan tentu saja sepanjang perjanjian tersebut tidak melanggar batas-batas hukum, agama dan kesusilaan.
Di jaman modern ini, ternyata masyarakat Indonesia ada pendapat pro dan kontra seputar perjanjian pra nikah. Tapi saya sendiri masih kurang memahami, sampai sejauh apa generasi kita saat ini memandang perjanjian pra nikah dan menyadari manfaatnya. Di era pernikahan yang mengglobal, yang memungkinkan untuk menikah berbeda kewarganegaran dan agama, proses perceraian kebanyakan menjadi sangat berlarut-larut, terkesan berusaha menjatuhkan masing-masing pihak dan menyakitkan. Apalagi jika sudah menyangkut hak asuh anak dan harta gono-gini. Oleh sebab itu, perjanjian pra nikah bisa menjadi alternatif utama saat ini. Terutama dalam substansi di bawah ini yang seringkali menjadi duri dalam rumah tangga yang berekor pada kekerasan rumah tangga: Kemampuan untuk mempunyai keturunan ;Tanggung jawab untuk menafkahi rumah tangga; Hak untuk mencari nafkah bagi seorang isteri; Mengambil isteri lagi atas nama alasan apapun; Aset atau harta gono-gini.

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The Value of Virginity in My Javanesse Society Recently

"Alike an asset, the value of virginity in my culture today is so important. A woman in my town when walking on her life as if they carrying out a diamond. And that is what exactly the meaning of our virginity. You threat it like a property and you sell it on a wedding. Should woman value herself like that?"

I am not a part of virginity worship. I am not even the saint in my previous relationship. But I was still taking care of my own security in my previous relationship. I prefer choose security reason than value of society about virginity. I wonder, why Indonesian Boys still think that virgin woman is important? That is what I can not get it. Is it an occult of virginity?

The Belief of Relationship based on Personality
Most of boys in my hometown thinks naive whenever the time to speak about woman. 9 from 10 guy in my hometown said that a virgin woman deserve for a longer relationship ended with wedding than non-virgin woman. They put the virginity in the top of requirement to be a wife. But 9 of 10 guys that talk to me slept with their girls. What is that mean?

And the girls also think that what they have done in the previous relationship as a dark secret and tend to not telling about it. Because, they said that they live on a cultural and religion society which curse the girl who has not virgin anymore. So, they choose to pretend as if they are still virgin than telling the truth. And when the guys found out that they don't get original virginity, they are dumped by some silly and absurd reason "you are not virgin" (thanks boys for the judgment). So, everybody knows this.. it is just not talked. (ssshhh...)

Another kind of girls want to keep their virginity because they think that it is good in their environment. They keep it to satisfy their spouse, boyfriends, future boyfriends/husband, parents and neighborhood. Even tough, they know exactly that whenever the day to get married comes.... you buy a cat in a sack.

Buy a Cat in a Sack

Believe or not, most of divorce in our country dominated by discrepancy in sex. The cases in my previous law firm indicate that most couples at first always talk about their instability relationship that arise day by day. They blame their ability of their spouse to understand what they want. At the first consultation, they never mention problems in bed, but after long talking and 3-5 times of meeting, than BAM! The main problem in bed will be the main issue. Then sex harshness, and violence in family is following the next chart of the issue rank. The surprisingly evidence, after "first night" sometimes ironic feelings come after 3-5 years (or maybe more) dating the same person. You regret that. But, of course still there are many couples just fine with their spouse even you probably think "this is not what I want. But, yeaahhh... " Try to understand. Anyway, it still arise a tickling question, then why you can walking on a marriage with someone that you are not sure about? All this time, we are dealing with unexpected marriage and keep it trough just to cover ourselves from being a looser. But the truth is... You are a looser.

The Demand of Virginity

Divorces in Indonesia are pack of loosers. They avoid sex before married but they do the 2-3 times divorces under 15 years married. And who is the victim?? Of course the children. That is why, I believe that sex helps a lot in seeking the genuine character of your spouse before you get married. The touched skin will give you a different comfort from just long talking, fighting and cheating behind them in 3-5 years.

And keeping virginity is just a naive reason just to satisfy your true life husband. And do you have any idea why man is very demanding about this thing? I don't understand till now. Except, you are infected by AIDS or siphilis and stuff, there are no good reasons to cancel a wedding with non virgin girl. If the boys are asking about loyalty, of course the virginty has no dealt with that. The husbands will have the whole body for the rest of their life. What makes it not loyal? So it does not make sense to put virginity issue in loyalty demand.

And Ladies, you deserve something more than just giving your original vagina to man. Sometimes, when you think that you will keep your virginity for your true lifetime spouse, you will see... how low you put yourself in society rank. You deserve for being satisfied either which is something you never think as important matters for your own good. How could you keep your marriege if you are not satisfied? Please ladies.... start to think it through...

How long you have to keep your virginity? Then after a long sacrifice.. you get not exactly what you expect? The thing is.... sometimes you put virginity as asset just to comfort you in front of your spouse so they are comfort and safe to have you. Have you ever realize that? Is that the meaning of virginity for all these years? About a present to give to someone you really love?

For myself, I keep my virginity because .... I am not ready to feel the hurting process. There are no reason related to society value or even a present concept in my mind. I just do it because I am not ready. And whenever I am not ready for that "big action", I am not dying of marriage too. Because.... I just don't feel it is the right time. That's it.

But, I never judge sex before marriage is a bad idea or even the worst.... it is a sin. Technically, I support that... because, that is the most realistic thing to do before you are bound in a long and lifetime relationship. And Marriege for me is just for one time in my life, until the death is seperating us. (The end)

Security for Sale: Corruption or not?

This is the utmost infamous thing about security quality in Indonesia. Everybody can pay the police or army to guard them while they are doing their activity. Is this the reflection of Welfare state theory? Security for sale?
I spent my long weekend in Puncak for attending an wedding anniversary of my family. The trip was so awful because, as ussual, there is always a long way to catch Puncak in public holiday or weekend. We stuck for several hours in the uphill street because of the traffic was so busy and full of private vehicles.
Then when we have to stopped by on one of restaurant near that place because of emerged natural calling, we were surprised by the police warning of the changed status of the uphill way to the Puncak. The street become one way only!!! Can you imagine how sick we was to hear that.
We are 15 km away only from the end of the trip and it was 10 pm. So, the restaurant which planned to close at that time, cancel the close notification and still opened. Fortunately, we only waited about 1 hours and then it was back to normal again.
Then on the next day, when we went back for home, I was surprised with the information from one of my family that the anniversary couple and his family was guarded by the Police during the trip. They paid about Rp 500.000 for the guardian service. Was it normal?
I mean, that was normal in Indonesia. Exclusively in Jakarta. As long as you are a tycoon, a related of high profile bureacrates, or you are the important person in Jakarta, you can even pay the army to make sure you are save from terrorist or cheap thief.
But, security service is one of our rights which is provided by the country, no matter who you are. This fact raise a question, how about me? Do I have no right to get the protection as high level as those important persons? And why do they have to behave as they need that high level protection? I mean, who will nail you and your daughters during the family occasion? And if that so, can you just call the police for help on the emerged situation than fill the street with troops as if the president and his family is going for a vacation to Puncak.
This is an reliable evidence of how corrupted the police in Indonesia. They sale security service to the tycoon as them and make a difference service to regular people who doesn't afford to pay them as much as the important persons did.
And the worst, it is affected to their profesionalism in charging criminal case. Even, the anti corruption slogans has campaigned in all this time, but looked like the culture to sale the authority is never stopped. But, some of us still asking, is it kind of corruption? If it is corruption, did it bring a loss to state finance? We need the proof, not just somekind of junk attack like lazy bugglers asking for justice upon them but they don't even give any attempt to change their life. So what do you think?

We can not survive in Jakarta unless We are much crazier

I came to stay and work on the biggest city in Indonesia about three months ago.
Surprisingly, I still hang in here "steadily" inspite of the sorrow I have been through.
Sorrow??? Surely do, I assumed this subjectively, because, I have to count back my money
before just spend it (or the suitable word is waste them) on the mall.
You can not let your eyes blinking just for a while because the fast growing and fashion on Jakarta.
It become your sorrow whenever you are someone include a fashionable girl on the life before.
It become a poisoned beacon whenever you are a new entry with high demand of outfit.
Jakarta with the sparkling delight of gadget also hypnotize us with variaty price which can
draw your money out from your small pocket.
How about the pressure??? well, welcome to the big city of opportunity. I mean, not in a good way. Lots of opportunity turns out become a big catasthrope for your life.
Company easily put and throw away you if they think you are not suitable or compatible with your task. You seemed to be junk than human. Then, remind your self about this
But the good things, you are living in a good circumstance of individual people. Good things, because even you are crazy and your circumstance ignoring you, you can take the flight response and easly find out the friends to replace yours.
That means too if your job is not crazy enough to finance your needed, so please... ladies, never worries to move your ass to a better opportunity. If they thread you just like that like a junk, why a high profile of loyalty should be paid off to them?
Just like picking up a boyfriend, you can choose too. But before you do that, you have to make sure that you have the capacity to do that. Other wise... it could be a big mistake, and maybe you become the real meaning of crazy.
So, if you are fashionable girl and you are dying about good jobs.. don't even worry about living in Jakarta. Get crazier than you used to than you will survive. Don't worry what people think about you. Just as long as it good for you, just do that.
And I wellcome my self to Jakarta... the city of blinded fashion... I prefer say that, Bono.